Weddings · Advice & Questions · Oct 17

When should we tell wedding guests that we already married privately?

Weddings

Dad asked what time we'd be signing the marriage papers at our December wedding. I said, "We haven't finalised that bit," although there won't be any papers to sign then.

We married privately in May with two friends present. We both wanted that small moment and planned a larger celebration later. Our invitation says "Join us as we exchange vows and celebrate", which is what we'll do. We haven't told the wider family about May.

My partner says the celebration is still our wedding and worries that announcing the earlier marriage will make guests think they've been invited to a pretence. I think my answer to Dad shows we've started letting people believe something we know they would understand differently.

Some guests are booking travel now. I don't want to preserve the atmosphere by waiting until they are in their seats. How do we tell them plainly while explaining why the December ceremony still matters to us?

Discussion

2 community replies

@maren17

Correct your answer to Dad first. "We married privately in May, and I avoided saying that when you asked" is harder than another vague reply, but it gives the next conversation a truthful starting point.

@northstar88

The December invitation can still mean something. You are gathering people to hear promises and celebrate with you. Tell them what that day is, rather than trying to prove that the private ceremony didn't count.

When should we tell wedding guests that we already married privately?

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