My aunt praised my teenager's changed body, and I joined in. How do I change the conversation?
Family“You look so much better now you've lost that baby roundness,” my aunt told my fourteen-year-old as she came through the door.
I said, “She does look lovely,” trying to keep the greeting warm. My daughter said little for the rest of the visit. On the way home she asked, “Did everyone think I looked bad before?”
I told her that wasn't what I meant. Then I kept complimenting how she looked, which seemed to leave us in exactly the same conversation. She wanted to tell us about a part she had won in the school play, but that hadn't been the first thing anyone asked.
My aunt thinks it was a kind remark and says avoiding compliments will make things awkward. I'm not trying to ban kindness. I want to stop evaluating my daughter's body at the start of every visit.
What should I say to my daughter now and to my aunt before we see her again?