Confessions · Advice & Questions · Oct 17

I signed my friend up to read her poems without asking her

Confessions

The organiser thanked me for finding another reader. I said my friend would be brilliant. I hadn't asked her whether she wanted to read.

She writes poems and sometimes shares them with three of us. She's mentioned that performing might be interesting one day. When a small local reading had an empty slot, I sent her name and told myself I was giving her the push she needed.

The draft programme now has her name on it. She hasn't seen it. I've been waiting for the right moment to announce the good news, which is a strange phrase for a commitment somebody else has made for her.

I still think she might enjoy it. Do I ask her first and only tell the organiser if she says no, or withdraw the slot before offering her the choice? I don't want the printed name to become the reason she feels unable to decline.

Discussion

2 community replies

@softfocus

Tell the organiser you offered her name before getting her agreement, and ask them to hold the slot as unconfirmed or remove it. That gives your friend a real choice rather than a question asked after everyone has been told she is appearing.

@JulesAfterDark

Her sharing poems with three friends doesn't establish that she wants those poems performed to a room. The leap from 'one day' to a named slot is where you made the decision for her. Keep that distinction in mind when you describe the opportunity.

I signed my friend up to read her poems without asking her

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