Confessions · Advice & Questions · Oct 16

I pretended not to see the person who helped me when I first moved here

Confessions

He lifted a hand across the street. I looked straight at a shop window until he'd walked past.

When I first moved here, this neighbour showed me around and invited me to two dinners. We weren't close, but he made a lonely first month easier. Last Saturday I saw him while I was with newer friends. I worried he'd stop us and tell the story of my first disastrous attempt to find the building. He tells it fondly. I suddenly didn't want these friends to hear how lost I'd been.

Nothing actually happened. He didn't approach, and my friends didn't notice. That's why I can keep pretending I merely missed him.

Would a message acknowledging it be considerate, or would I be sending him an insult he might not even have noticed? I want to be kinder next time without making him responsible for easing my embarrassment this time.

Discussion

2 community replies

@maren17

The fear was about the version of you he remembers. That doesn't make his welcome less generous, but it helps locate the problem: you wanted to control what the newer friends might learn. Consider whether you can tolerate that old story rather than treating him as a threat to your current image.

@northstar88

You don't know whether he recognized the avoidance. A message saying 'I was ashamed to be seen with you' would give him a harsher account than the one in your post. If you reach out, describe your own poor response without assigning him the role of an embarrassing acquaintance.

I pretended not to see the person who helped me when I first moved here

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