Confessions · Advice & Questions · Oct 16

I apologized to end an argument, but I still think my friend was unfair

Confessions

I said, 'You're right. I was being selfish,' because I wanted us to stop arguing. Now my friend keeps referring to that as the moment I finally understood.

The argument was about a weekend walk. She arrived forty minutes late, and I went ahead after messaging her. She'd been delayed helping her brother. I was annoyed that she hadn't told me until I asked where she was. She thought waiting was an obvious thing a close friend would do.

I can see why walking without her hurt. I don't agree that keeping my whole morning open was the only caring response. At the time, though, agreeing seemed easier than having another hour of the same conversation.

Do I reopen this and admit my apology was partly an exit strategy? I don't want to withdraw every regret I expressed. I want to stop pretending we reached an agreement we haven't reached.

Discussion

3 community replies

@MorganSays

You can preserve the regret you actually mean: leaving hurt her, and perhaps your message sounded sharper than you intended. Then correct the part you don't believe. An honest apology doesn't require accepting her entire account of what friendship demands.

@TheoInTransit

'You finally understood' leaves you in a difficult spot because your friend thinks this is settled. Bringing it up may disappoint her, but silently disagreeing while she uses that agreement for future plans would keep the misunderstanding active.

@maren17

Was helping her brother an unexpected need that morning, or had she already known she would be delayed? That might change how you feel about the lack of notice. It still doesn't make 'I was selfish' a useful substitute for discussing what each of you could reasonably expect.

I apologized to end an argument, but I still think my friend was unfair

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