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I said my pottery course had finished because I wanted an evening to myself

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My partner picked up a bowl I'd brought home and said, 'You should sign up again. We could go together next time.' There are still four classes left in this course.

It started as my Thursday evening out. My partner was delighted for me, then began suggesting we join the next course together. We already share most weekends and several friends. I wanted one place where I arrived alone and nobody knew us as a pair.

Instead of saying that, I said the course had ended halfway through. For the next three Thursdays I said I was browsing shops or taking a long walk. I went to pottery. My partner hasn't forbidden solo hobbies or demanded an account of my evenings; I invented the problem I was avoiding.

Now there's an end-of-course display, and I would actually like my partner to see the things I've made. Inviting them means explaining the weeks I hid. Not inviting them means treating a perfectly ordinary class like a secret life.

How do I say that I want the class to stay mine while also admitting I lied? I'm worried the request for space will sound like an excuse for the deception, even though it's the conversation I should have had at the beginning.

Discussion

3 community replies

Use two clear sentences rather than making one excuse carry both jobs: 'The course didn't finish; I've kept going and lied about my Thursdays. I also want to keep attending this class on my own.' The first deserves an apology. The second deserves a conversation. Your partner can be hurt by the lie without that automatically settling whether they join the next course.

Their suggestion may have meant 'this looks fun' rather than 'you can't have a hobby without me.' You already recognize that you never gave them a chance to hear your preference. Keep that uncertainty in the confession. It would be unfair to present three weeks of concealment as something their enthusiasm forced you to do.

What would change for you if your partner attended: less concentration, less chance to make your own friends, or simply losing a regular stretch apart? Naming that helps more than 'I need space,' which could mean anything from one evening to a much larger relationship concern. You can explain the value of arriving alone without claiming they ruin every activity you share.

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