Stories. Questions. Different perspectives.
Browse WAURE
← Advice & Questions
Health · Advice & Questions ·

How do I suggest STI testing without my partner hearing an accusation?

Health category photographHealth

My partner and I have been discussing whether to stop using condoms. When I suggested both getting advice about STI testing first, he said, "What do you think I've been doing?"

We are both adults and have had previous partners. I am not alleging that he has had another partner during our relationship. I also do not want the conversation to rest on neither of us currently noticing symptoms.

[NHS guidance says many STIs have no symptoms](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/sexually-transmitted-infections-stis/). I plan to contact a sexual health clinic about which tests and timing are appropriate for me, and I want him to consider his own advice too. We are continuing our current precautions while discussing this.

How would you make the request mutual without turning test results into a certificate of trust? I would rather talk about what we know and what advice we need than have either person confess to something they have not said happened.

Discussion

2 community replies

"I'm asking about both of us before we change what we're doing, not saying you've been unfaithful." Then let him say what he heard in the request. The misunderstanding is worth addressing without abandoning your own health question.

The [NHS information about symptom-free infections](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/sexually-transmitted-infections-stis/) explains why symptoms alone do not answer the discussion. It does not mean either person has an infection, and it should not be used as an insinuation.

Join the discussion

More in Health