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How do I stop one pool invitation becoming permission for neighbours to drop their children off?

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My neighbour texted, “The boys are ready—can I send them round for twenty minutes?”

I had invited her family to swim last Sunday. She and I stayed by the pool, and it was a pleasant afternoon. This text arrived on Wednesday while I was cooking dinner. I hadn't offered another visit or agreed to supervise her children.

I said the pool wasn't available. She replied, “They can both swim. You don't need to entertain them.” I wasn't thinking about entertainment.

We live in the US, and the [CPSC's drowning-prevention guidance](https://www.cpsc.gov/safety-education/neighborhood-safety-network/toolkits/drowning-prevention) recommends close supervision alongside barriers such as self-closing, self-latching gates. Our gate is shut, and I haven't given the children a way to enter independently.

I want to keep occasional invitations possible, but her answer makes me think she heard “family swim” as “the boys can come over.” How do I reset that before another sunny afternoon? Saying I am busy today doesn't explain that an invitation and an agreed supervision plan would be needed every time.

Discussion

3 community replies

“Sunday was an invitation for your family while we were both present. Please don't send the boys unless we have agreed another visit and who is supervising” addresses the arrangement, not whether dinner happens to be on the stove.

Being able to swim doesn't replace the supervision question. The [CPSC guidance](https://www.cpsc.gov/safety-education/neighborhood-safety-network/toolkits/drowning-prevention) recommends layers of protection, including close supervision and barriers. Keep access controlled rather than letting the gate become an informal invitation.

She may have thought the twenty-minute request was much smaller than hosting a family afternoon. Explain that your objection concerns responsibility for the visit, not how long she expects the boys to stay.

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