How do I decline homemade cake kindly when I can't be sure it fits my allergy needs?
Neighbours“I left the walnuts out this time,” my neighbour said, holding out a cake tin.
I had thanked her for the first cake but explained that I have a nut allergy and couldn't eat it. She had clearly made an effort with the second one. Then she said she had used the same chopped-nut packet to decorate another cake beside it.
I didn't eat a slice. I follow the plan agreed with my clinician, and I wasn't comfortable making an exception to spare an awkward conversation.
The [Food Standards Agency's advice on preparing food for someone with an allergy](https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/food-allergy-and-intolerance-advice-for-consumers/food-allergy-and-intolerance-advice-for-consumers) discusses ingredients and cross-contamination from surfaces and equipment. Leaving nuts out of the recipe doesn't answer all of those questions.
She looked hurt and said, “I can't do anything right.” I don't want our friendship to turn into me inspecting her kitchen or her repeatedly trying to make a cake I will approve.
How do I thank her for the care and ask her to stop baking specifically for me? I'd much rather share a conversation over a drink I bring than keep putting both of us through this moment.