Family · Advice & Questions · Oct 16

Grandma made a cardigan my teenager won't wear. How do we thank her honestly?

Family

“I spent three evenings on those sleeves,” Mum said when my fifteen-year-old arrived in a different cardigan.

The one Mum knitted is beautifully made: pale pink, with flowers around the cuffs. My daughter mostly wears plain dark clothes. She thanked Grandma when she opened it and tried it on, but she hasn't chosen it since.

Before our next visit I told her to wear it “just for an hour.” She asked, “If I do, will she make another one?” I hadn't thought of that. Mum has already mentioned finding matching wool for a hat.

I don't want to call the gift a waste, and I don't think my daughter owes anyone an outfit. I also know Mum has been looking forward to seeing her work worn. Knitting is one of the ways she shows affection.

What would be a kind, truthful response now? My daughter says she will happily thank Grandma again, but doesn't want every visit to involve a wardrobe check.

Discussion

3 community replies

@MorganSays

Your daughter's question changes the proposed compromise. Wearing it once might be a gesture she freely chooses, but you were asking her to do it while leaving Grandma with the impression that this is her preferred style. Tell Mum before she buys the hat wool that your daughter usually chooses plainer clothes.

@TheoInTransit

The care in the gift is worth naming specifically: the sleeves, the flowers, the time. “Thank you” can be sincere even when the item isn't regularly used. You don't need to add “she absolutely loves wearing it” to soften the truth and create another expectation.

@maren17

Could Grandma and your daughter choose a pattern together if both want a future knitting project? That would give Mum a way to continue the connection. It needs to be an invitation, though; your daughter shouldn't have to commission a replacement garment to make the first gift acceptable.

Grandma made a cardigan my teenager won't wear. How do we thank her honestly?

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