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Should I admit I let my daughter win when she asks directly?

Parenting category photographParenting

My six-year-old studied the board and said, "You could have taken my last piece. Did you lose on purpose?"

I had. She'd lost twice, knocked the counters off the table and said she was never playing again. I wanted our Saturday afternoon back, so in the next round I made a move I knew was wrong. Her older cousin spotted it and gave me a look.

Now my daughter is asking whether the win counts. I said I was distracted, which was another decision made for my convenience. She has been telling her dad she beat me, and I haven't corrected it.

I don't want every game to turn into a lecture about disappointment. I also don't want her checking my face for clues that the result was arranged. Would you admit the deliberate mistake and start again, leave this particular win alone, or change how we choose games while she is finding losing difficult?

Discussion

3 community replies

She asked a precise question and received an excuse. A simple "Yes, I made that move on purpose because I wanted the game to feel better" would answer it. You can admit your choice without making her responsible for the awkwardness you now feel about it.

What happens between "I'm upset I lost" and the counters leaving the table? You can allow disappointment while pausing a game when pieces are thrown. Decide that pause in advance, rather than improvising a winning result as the only way to keep everyone playing.

The cousin has become the silent keeper of the result. Tell him you've decided to be honest so he isn't left choosing between correcting you and keeping your excuse alive. Don't blame him for noticing; the observation was accurate.

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