Confessions · Advice & Questions · Oct 18

I offered to help with my friend's unpacking because I assumed she'd refuse

Confessions

'Sunday would be amazing,' she said. I had just offered to help unpack her clothes after a move. I'd expected 'Oh, don't worry, you've done enough.'

I hadn't done anything yet.

Now she has kept Sunday free and says she's relieved to have company for the wardrobe boxes. I like her, and I could spare part of the afternoon. What bothers me is realizing the warm feeling I wanted came from making the offer, not doing the work.

Do I follow through and keep that motive to myself, or tell her I offered more casually than I meant? I don't want an ordinary afternoon of folding jumpers to become a confession she has to soothe. I also don't want to arrive resentful about a promise nobody forced me to make.

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2 community replies

@TheoInTransit

If you can genuinely give part of Sunday, agree on that part now: 'I can come from two until four.' You can make the offer concrete without unloading the expectation that she would refuse. She needs to know what help is available, rather than how flattering you hoped her answer would be.

@maren17

The short line 'I hadn't done anything yet' is the important realization. You wanted credit for willingness before finding out what willingness cost. That is something you can examine privately and correct through an afternoon you actually choose to give.

I offered to help with my friend's unpacking because I assumed she'd refuse

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