Confessions · Advice & Questions · Oct 18

I keep saying 'maybe next week' to a date I don't actually want

Confessions

He asked me for coffee and made clear he meant a date. I said, 'That could be nice, maybe next week.' I already knew I wasn't interested.

We see each other at a casual walking group. He's pleasant, and I enjoy the attention. Whenever he asks about a day, I mention something in my calendar and leave another possible week open. He isn't ignoring a no; I haven't given one.

Yesterday he said he could keep Thursday free if that helped. The practical care in that offer made my little evasions feel less harmless.

How do I end the possibility clearly without giving a long, hurtful inventory of why I don't want to date him? We will still see each other in the group, and I don't want to offer friendship as another vague promise I'm making to soften an answer.

Discussion

2 community replies

@MorganSays

'I've been vague, and I'm sorry. I don't want to go on a date' gives him an answer he can use. You don't need a list of reasons about his appearance, personality or the group's future. The missing information is your decision.

@TheoInTransit

Thursday makes the cost visible: he is arranging time around a possibility you keep extending. Correcting the answer promptly is more considerate than waiting for a perfect moment that avoids all disappointment.

I keep saying 'maybe next week' to a date I don't actually want

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