Confessions · Advice & Questions · Oct 18

I answered the argument I'd imagined instead of the message my friend sent

Confessions

My friend wrote, 'You seemed distracted on Saturday. Everything okay?' I replied that I was allowed to have a life outside our friendship.

She hadn't said otherwise.

For two days I'd been rehearsing a conversation in which she'd accuse me of not making enough effort. We had spent less time together recently, and I thought she must be angry. By the time her message arrived, I had a defence ready. Her actual question barely registered.

She replied, 'I was just checking on you.' I haven't answered because any explanation makes the original response sound even stranger. I wasn't reacting to a request she had made; I was reacting to several lines I had put in her mouth.

How do I apologize and still talk about the pressure I've been feeling? I don't want to accuse her of creating expectations that may mainly exist in my rehearsal.

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2 community replies

@JulesAfterDark

Start with the message she actually sent. You can say, 'I read an accusation into your question and answered that instead. I'm sorry.' That is more accurate than apologizing for a misunderstanding as though both of you supplied the same amount of material.

@MorganSays

The imagined conversation may point to a concern you want to discuss, but it doesn't establish her position. Ask what kind of contact she wants before presenting a defence against it. You may discover a real difference, or that neither of you expected the schedule you feared.

I answered the argument I'd imagined instead of the message my friend sent

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