Confessions · Advice & Questions · Oct 19

I keep rewriting our joint speech, then complain my brother isn't contributing

Confessions

My brother sent me three paragraphs for our parents' anniversary speech. I kept one sentence. Later I told him it would be nice if he helped more.

We agreed to write it together. I like the jokes I drafted and have a particular order in mind. Every time he sends something, I move it, smooth it or remove it. I call that editing, but I haven't explained what would let his version survive.

He now says I should just give the speech myself. I don't want that. I want both of us standing there, and I want it to sound like the speech I've pictured. Writing that sentence makes the problem rather obvious.

Can I still make this a shared speech without pretending I love every line he writes? The event is next month, so we have time. I just don't know how much control I have to give up for my invitation to be real.

Discussion

3 community replies

@TheoInTransit

Start by withdrawing the accusation that he hasn't helped. He supplied three paragraphs; you rejected most of them. An invitation to contribute won't feel real while his work is counted only after it survives an undisclosed standard.

@maren17

Divide the speech into sections each person genuinely owns, if that suits both of you. You can agree on length and a few subjects to avoid without requiring every sentence to match your rhythm. A joint speech can sound like two siblings.

@northstar88

What was in the removed paragraphs: material that would hurt someone, repetition, or simply a style you wouldn't choose? Those reasons deserve different conversations. 'It didn't fit my version' is useful to admit when that is the actual criterion.

I keep rewriting our joint speech, then complain my brother isn't contributing

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