How do we keep part of the holiday at home when both families expect a visit?
Family“I've already paid for your four seats,” my mum said when I told her we were considering a different holiday plan.
For the last three years, we have opened presents early, driven to her lunch, then crossed town for my partner's family dinner. The driving adds up to about five hours. Our six-year-old asked last year why we had to leave halfway through building his new train track. By the second meal, our nine-year-old was asking to go home.
This year my partner wants us to stay home through lunch and visit one family in the late afternoon, alternating which family gets that visit each year. I like the idea. Mum has already booked a restaurant and paid a $120 deposit for our seats because she assumed we would come as usual. We hadn't discussed changing the plan with her yet.
My partner's parents say dinner is the one time everyone is together. Mum says she would have chosen a smaller table if she'd known. Neither of those points is imaginary, and both of us have been saying “we'll probably do the usual” when asked.
We still have several weeks to settle it. How do we make a clear decision and acknowledge the trouble we've caused without letting every existing tradition become a permanent commitment?