Grandad says our child's allergy plan is too much fuss. Should we pause solo visits?
Family“Can't you just scrape the icing off?” my dad asked when I said our six-year-old couldn't have the cupcakes.
Our child has a diagnosed milk allergy and a plan from her allergy specialist. The cupcakes contained milk in the cake as well as the icing. We were all at the table, and she didn't eat one. I offered a snack we had brought.
Dad looked hurt. “We raised three children. I can manage an afternoon,” he said. He had offered to have her on Saturday so my partner and I could attend a friend's celebration. He and our daughter love making things at his kitchen table.
I said we needed to go through her plan and the food arrangements before he looked after her alone. He replied that sending her with a bag of instructions would make him feel like hired help. I'm not sure whether he resents the way I explained it or thinks the instructions themselves are optional.
Cancelling Saturday would disappoint our daughter and mean we miss the celebration. Going ahead while that question is unresolved doesn't feel comfortable. My partner thinks one calm conversation might fix it; I don't want to turn “calm” into avoiding the point.
What would a useful conversation sound like, and what would we need to establish before agreeing to another solo afternoon?