My fourteen-year-old wants her aunt's birthday video taken down. How do I back her up?
Family“If Auntie posts that again, I'm not having a birthday dinner next year,” my fourteen-year-old daughter said.
My sister had filmed us singing around the cake and put the video in our family chat. I clicked a heart. Later she posted the same clip on her public account, with my daughter's name and age in the caption. My daughter hadn't agreed to either version. She dislikes the bit where everyone chants for her to make a speech.
I asked my sister to remove the public post. She said, “It's a lovely family memory. There's nothing embarrassing in it,” then offered to crop the start. She also reminded me that she had made the cake and come across town after work. She wants to celebrate her niece, and I understand why rejection of the video feels personal to her.
My daughter heard the cropping offer and said, “Why do I have to prove it's embarrassing?”
I helped create this muddle by approving the family-chat version without checking with her. I can apologise for that. I am less sure how to talk to my sister without turning a request about one video into a fight about whether she is a good aunt.
What should I say now, and what agreement would make the next family gathering easier?