Family · Advice & Questions · Oct 19

Dad painted our kitchen as a surprise while we were away. Can I tell him we want to change it back?

Family

“No more dingy white,” Dad said, opening our kitchen door to show the bright blue walls.

We had asked him to measure a window while we were away for the weekend. He saw the paint samples on the counter, chose his favourite and spent two days painting. We had been considering a soft cream, but hadn't decided to change the room at all yet.

He is proud of the finish and thinks he has saved us a job. I said, “You've worked really hard,” because I could see that he had. My partner then whispered, “Are we keeping this?”

We don't like the colour. Repainting would take another free weekend, and Dad would eventually see it. I don't want to pretend the surprise delighted us and then hope he never visits.

How do I thank him for the effort while explaining that doing work in our home needs an agreement first? Should I settle the colour conversation separately from what happens to the walls now?

Discussion

3 community replies

@JulesAfterDark

Your first response acknowledged work, not a decision to keep the colour. You can tell him soon: “I can see the effort you put in. We hadn't decided to paint, and this isn't the colour we want.” Waiting until he sees new walls would make the surprise go both ways.

@MorganSays

The paint samples may have looked like an invitation to help, but measuring a window was the task you actually agreed. Ask him to check before adding work in future. You don't need to prove that the colour is objectively bad to explain why choosing it belonged with you and your partner.

@TheoInTransit

Agree with your partner on what you want to do next before speaking to Dad about practical help. Keeping it temporarily, repainting yourselves or asking whether he wants to help redo it are different proposals. Don't let your partner think the colour has been settled merely because you praised the effort.

Dad painted our kitchen as a surprise while we were away. Can I tell him we want to change it back?

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