Weddings · Advice & Questions · Oct 19

Can I stay in my brother's wedding party without shaving my beard?

Weddings

My brother's message said, "Clean-shaven for the photographs, please." We'd already agreed on suits and shoes. I've had this beard for four years.

I said I'd have it trimmed neatly. He replied that he wanted the whole group to have the same look, and it would grow back. The wedding is in three weeks.

I don't want to step down over facial hair. I also don't want to shave because saying no has been made to sound like refusing to make an effort for him. He is happy with the suit I bought and hasn't raised anything else.

How do I say I'm keeping my beard without turning every conversation before the wedding into a negotiation about my face?

Discussion

3 community replies

@softfocus

A direct answer may end the uncertainty: "I'll wear the agreed clothes and have my beard tidy. I won't be shaving it." You can make an effort for his wedding without agreeing to every appearance request.

@JulesAfterDark

He may see shaving as temporary and minor. You've had the beard for four years, so it isn't simply a styling choice you've made for his photographs. Explain that once without asking him to share the preference.

@MorganSays

Stepping down shouldn't be your opening offer if you want to stand with him. First let him respond to the actual boundary rather than presenting the most dramatic consequence yourself.

Can I stay in my brother's wedding party without shaving my beard?

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