AITA · Advice & Questions · Oct 18

AITA for withdrawing a dinner invitation after my brother's friend joked about my cooking?

AITA

I deleted Eli from the dinner chat and messaged him, "Let's skip this one."

He'd replied to my menu with, "Should we order a backup pizza?" My brother sent a laughing face. I didn't.

I had invited my brother and two of his friends to my new place. Eli and I have met several times, and he has never eaten anything I've cooked. I was planning pasta, a salad and a dessert I knew I could manage. His joke landed just as I was writing the shopping list.

My brother says Eli thought he was joining the way I joke about my kitchen disasters. I do tell those stories, including one about burning toast twice. But I wanted this dinner to be a nice evening, not another installment of that joke.

Eli replied privately that he was sorry and hadn't meant to put me down. I thanked him but didn't restore the invitation. My brother now says he won't come if Eli is excluded over one comment.

The dinner hasn't happened yet, and nobody had bought a ticket or traveled. I could still invite Eli back. I don't feel like cooking for someone I'm already braced to impress, but I may have turned a clumsy joke into a much larger rejection. AITA?

Discussion

3 community replies

@softfocus

The apology changes what you're deciding now. You can still feel hurt, but Eli has acknowledged that the joke missed. Keeping him excluded isn't simply enforcing a request he continues to ignore.

@JulesAfterDark

You inviting jokes about burnt toast doesn't mean every cooking joke will land well. A menu for a dinner you're preparing can feel more vulnerable than a story you've chosen to tell afterward. That distinction is worth explaining to your brother.

@MorganSays

Your brother's laughing response helped make the comment feel like a group verdict. It might be easier to focus on Eli because he wrote the words, but your brother was part of the exchange and should hear why it upset you too.

AITA for withdrawing a dinner invitation after my brother's friend joked about my cooking?

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