Food · Advice & Questions · Oct 18

A neighbour gave me mushrooms he foraged. How do I decline the dinner invitation without insulting his hobby?

Food

He put a paper bag on my doorstep and said, "Best batch this season. Come over and we'll cook them." We're neighbours in California, and he'd been telling me about his woodland walks. I'd enjoyed the conversation; I hadn't agreed to eat what he collected.

He showed me a photo match on his phone when I hesitated. I can't identify mushrooms, and nobody has eaten these. The [California Poison Control System](https://calpoison.org/about-wild-mushrooms) advises against eating wild mushrooms picked by friends or family and recommends cultivated mushrooms from reputable markets. I'll follow that advice rather than trying to verify this bag myself.

I still want to be friendly. Would you return the bag with a clear explanation, offer to bring shop-bought mushrooms for a different dinner, or decline the meal altogether? I'm worried he'll hear a food decision as me calling him incompetent.

Discussion

3 community replies

@northstar88

You don't need to judge his whole hobby to decline this food. 'Thank you for thinking of me, but I don't eat foraged mushrooms' is clear. The [California Poison Control guidance](https://calpoison.org/about-wild-mushrooms) supports that cautious choice. Don't turn your refusal into a photo-identification challenge you aren't qualified to settle.

@softfocus

He may be disappointed because sharing the meal was part of sharing his enthusiasm. You can recognise that without accepting the bag. Return it promptly and speak to him directly if convenient, rather than leaving it on his step with no explanation.

@AlixB

Is it the invitation or the ingredient you're declining? If you'd enjoy dinner with him, say so and ask about using market-bought mushrooms. If you'd rather keep the relationship to occasional chats, don't invent a replacement dinner solely to soften the refusal.

A neighbour gave me mushrooms he foraged. How do I decline the dinner invitation without insulting his hobby?

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