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Is it fair to ask for shorter video calls if my partner wants to stay connected while doing chores?

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Last night I told my partner about a difficult meeting while he folded laundry on our video call. He said, "Hang on, what did your manager say?" I repeated it. Then he carried the phone into the kitchen and started dinner.

We've lived in different cities for six months, with another six to go. We call at nine most evenings. I usually sit down with tea and put everything else aside. He likes keeping the call open while he does ordinary things. He says it feels like sharing a home again, and that a formal twenty-minute conversation makes him feel like an appointment.

I miss that everyday company too. Sometimes watching him search for a matching sock is sweet. But I've started waiting to tell him things until he's finished whatever he's doing, and occasionally I never get round to them.

I suggested shorter calls with our full attention, and he heard that as wanting less time with him. Is there a compromise that leaves room for both kinds of company? I don't want every evening to become an interview, but I do want to finish a story without competing with a frying pan.

Discussion

3 community replies

The sock-searching and the difficult meeting don't need the same kind of call. You might start with fifteen minutes where you both sit down, then leave the call open for chores if you both want to. That gives the important story somewhere to land without deleting the ordinary company he enjoys.

Have you told him you're postponing stories and sometimes losing them altogether? 'I want shorter calls' may sound like a request to see less of him. 'I keep saving things to tell you, then don't get a turn' explains what you're hoping the change will give you.

Nine o'clock seems to be your tea break and his cooking time. Is that because he can't cook earlier, or because the long calls have settled around whatever he's doing? Before making attention the whole disagreement, check whether moving a few calls would make sitting down together less awkward for him.

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