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How do I ask my girlfriend to plan a date without grading what she chooses?

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I asked my girlfriend to plan our next date. She booked a pottery class, sent me the time, and looked pleased with herself. My first response was, "Could we do the later session? And maybe dinner somewhere else afterwards?" Her face changed. "This is why I let you choose," she said.

The earlier session meant leaving home at eight on Saturday. We both work weekdays, and I wanted a slow morning. The restaurant she suggested was one we'd tried and I hadn't enjoyed. Those felt like ordinary preferences to mention. But I had also just told her I was tired of finding every place, checking every opening time and making every booking.

She says she's happy with most things I choose, so she hadn't realised planning felt like work to me. I want her to take a turn, but apparently I also want a turn planned almost exactly as I would plan it.

Do I go with this date as arranged and talk about preferences later, or would that just store up resentment? What is a fair amount of input when you're asking someone else to take the lead?

Discussion

1 community replies

The pottery class is an actual answer to your request. I'd begin there: 'Thank you for finding and booking something. I responded with edits before I noticed the effort.' You can still discuss the start time. Acknowledging your reaction doesn't require pretending that eight in the morning is your favourite Saturday.

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