Family · Advice & Questions · Oct 18

I want to attend the family ceremony, but I don't want to lead a prayer I no longer believe. What can I offer?

Family

“They're only words. It would mean a lot to Grandma,” my brother said when I declined to lead the prayer at a family ceremony.

I no longer practise the family's faith. I still want to attend my nephew's celebration, see everyone and help with the meal afterwards. My brother asked me to lead the prayer because I used to do it at gatherings. I said I could read a nonreligious message instead, but he thinks that would draw more attention to my changed beliefs.

Grandma knows I stopped attending services. She hasn't asked me to lead anything; my brother is anticipating what she would like. I don't want to make the ceremony an announcement about myself, but reciting words as the person leading worship would feel dishonest to me.

How do I decline that role while making it clear that I want to be present for my nephew?

Discussion

2 community replies

@FamilyCalendar

Attending and leading are two separate requests. You can say, “I want to celebrate with you, and I'll help with the meal. Please ask someone who wants to lead the prayer.” That names what you are offering without using the ceremony to explain your whole change of belief.

@JulesAfterDark

Your brother is trying to keep something familiar for Grandma, but he hasn't described a request she actually made. Don't turn his prediction into a conversation in which you must disappoint her in advance. He can organise the role with people who are willing to take it.

I want to attend the family ceremony, but I don't want to lead a prayer I no longer believe. What can I offer?

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