Confessions · Advice & Questions · Oct 17

I keep blaming the journey when I really don't enjoy visiting my friend's dog-filled flat

Confessions

My friend has offered to collect me from the station so the journey won't be such a pain. The journey wasn't the problem.

Her two dogs climb onto the sofa and lean against guests. She loves it. I don't like being licked or having a dog in my lap, but the first time it happened I laughed and said they were adorable. Since then I've suggested meeting at cafés. When she asks me over, I mention the long trip home.

Now she is trying to solve the transport issue I've described. I like my friend and want to spend time with her. I don't want her to feel I'm judging how she lives with her pets.

Would you say plainly why you prefer to meet elsewhere, or ask whether the dogs could stay off the sofa during my visit? The second sounds like asking her to rearrange her own home for a preference I've been concealing.

Discussion

3 community replies

@TheoInTransit

Start by correcting the obstacle you've named. 'The journey is manageable; I'm uncomfortable with the dogs climbing on me, and I should have said that' stops her doing extra station trips for the wrong reason. You can appreciate the offer without accepting it as a solution.

@maren17

Liking a photograph of a dog and enjoying a dog on your lap are separate preferences. You don't need to present a general dislike of her pets to explain one kind of contact you don't enjoy. Keep the request specific to what happens during the visit.

@northstar88

Has she ever seen you move a dog away or say you didn't want one on your lap? If all she has seen is laughter and 'adorable', she may genuinely think this is part of the visit you like. Give her a chance to hear an accurate preference before treating the choice as a dispute.

I keep blaming the journey when I really don't enjoy visiting my friend's dog-filled flat

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