Food · Advice & Questions · Oct 17

I enjoy the café stop more than the coffee. How do I explain that when my partner wants us to make every cup at home?

Food

My partner put two mugs on the counter and said, "There. We don't need the café today." He was pleased. I'd been looking forward to getting out of the flat.

We both work from home. On Saturday I like walking to the café, sitting somewhere that isn't our kitchen and occasionally chatting to the owner. The coffees cost $5 each. I can see why he looks at two cups and thinks about money spent on something we could make ourselves.

I haven't helped by defending the café coffee as if its flavour were the whole reason. Some mornings I barely notice the drink. What I want is an outing we don't have to organise.

Should I explain that and suggest fewer café visits, go alone when he prefers home coffee, or find a different inexpensive outing? I don't want him to pay for a routine he doesn't value. I also don't want every small trip outside to need a case stronger than 'I'd enjoy it'.

Discussion

3 community replies

@northstar88

Tell him the reason you've just identified: the café is an easy outing, and the coffee is part of it. That gives him a fair chance to respond to what you value. Arguing that the drink tastes better may lead him to improve the home coffee while leaving the actual problem untouched.

@softfocus

Going alone can be a normal choice if you can afford it and he wants to stay home. It doesn't have to signal a disagreement about the relationship. You can ask whether he wants to join you, then leave without turning his answer into a measure of how much he supports your Saturday.

@AlixB

He may want to spend less together without objecting to your having an outing. Ask whether he's concerned about the total spending, his own share or the assumption that you both go every week. Those are three different conversations hidden in the sentence about not needing the café.

I enjoy the café stop more than the coffee. How do I explain that when my partner wants us to make every cup at home?

Discussion

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