Real people. Real opinions.
Browse WAURE
← Advice & Questions
Relationships · Advice & Questions ·

How do I ask a friend whether his invitation is a date without assuming he fancies me?

Relationships category photographRelationships

When my friend asked me to a concert, I said, "Who else is coming?" He replied, "I thought just us, if you're up for it." I said yes. We have spent time alone before, so I didn't think much of it until he sent, "Looking forward to our evening," with a heart.

I like him as a friend. I don't want a romantic relationship with him. The message might just be his warm way of writing, and I'd feel awkward making a declaration about his feelings when he hasn't made one.

But I'd feel worse sitting through the concert while wondering whether we were having different evenings. Do I ask, "Is this a date?" or simply mention that I'm looking forward to going with a friend? I'd like to be clear without turning an ordinary invitation into something embarrassing.

Discussion

2 community replies

A direct question can be gentle: "I realised I wasn't sure how you meant the invitation. Are we going as friends, or were you thinking of a date?" You're asking about a plan you both made, not declaring that you know his feelings.

Mentioning "with a friend" is less awkward only if he picks up the hint. If you need an answer before going, a hint may leave you exactly where you started. You can keep the question brief and tell him your own position if he says he meant a date.

Join the discussion

More in Relationships