Health · Advice & Questions · Oct 19

How can I refuse wine before I'm ready to tell the family I'm pregnant?

Health

My aunt has bought the wine for her anniversary dinner and already announced that I will lead the toast. I am early in a pregnancy and have only told my partner.

I want to use a drink without alcohol. [CDC says there is no known safe amount or safe time for alcohol use during pregnancy](https://www.cdc.gov/fasd/about/index.html). I am not considering a ceremonial sip as a way to keep the evening uncomplicated.

The difficult part is the guessing. At our last meal, another cousin declined wine and three people immediately asked whether she was pregnant. She was not. I would like to celebrate my aunt without my glass becoming a family announcement.

Should I quietly ask the host for an alternative, or simply bring one and give a short refusal at the table? I do not want to invent a medicine I am taking, and I also do not want to share news before I have chosen to.

Discussion

2 community replies

@TheoInTransit

You can lead a toast with a different drink. Ask the host to have an alcohol-free option available without giving a medical reason. The job is to say something kind about the anniversary, not to use a particular bottle.

@maren17

Would your aunt keep the request private if you asked in advance? If you are unsure, bringing your own option may avoid making her the keeper of information she will feel tempted to explain.

How can I refuse wine before I'm ready to tell the family I'm pregnant?

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