Can I use a communal memorial bench when the neighbour who donated it treats it as reserved?
NeighboursI was eating a sandwich on the courtyard bench when my neighbour said, “That's my husband's bench.”
The plaque says it was donated in his memory. The building manager installed it beside the communal planting beds last spring, and I had understood it was there for residents to use. She paid for it and often sits there in the afternoon.
I moved that day. She looked upset, and my lunch mattered much less to me than the moment seemed to matter to her. Now I avoid the bench even when she isn't around. Last week another resident asked why nobody sits on the new seat, and I didn't know how to explain without speaking about her grief.
I don't want to turn the plaque into an argument about who paid. I also don't think a memorial in a shared courtyard works well if people are afraid to use it.
How do I find out what was intended and speak to her gently? If she wants a particular afternoon to herself, I could respect that. I am less comfortable treating every ordinary lunchtime as a possible intrusion.