Real people. Real opinions.
Browse WAURE
← Advice & Questions
Relationships · Advice & Questions ·

Can I ask my husband to put some effort into the gifts we sign together?

Relationships category photographRelationships

My husband wrote both our names on his mother's birthday card and said, "Sorted." I'd chosen the present, arranged the collection and remembered to buy the card. He thanked me afterwards. At dinner, when his mother thanked us, he said he knew she would like it.

This has become our arrangement without a conversation. I enjoy choosing gifts, and he's much less interested in it. I don't mind doing it occasionally. What bothered me this time was watching him accept praise for a decision he'd barely known about until that morning.

If I make the next gift just from me, it will look pointed, and his mother doesn't need to be involved in our disagreement. If I ask him to handle it all next time, I worry I'll spend the week prompting him and checking whether he's remembered.

How do we keep giving gifts as a couple without me quietly becoming the entire couple behind the scenes?

Discussion

2 community replies

His "I knew she'd like it" is the sentence to discuss privately. You could tell him you'd have appreciated "She chose it; I think it's lovely." Recognition wouldn't solve the workload, but it would stop the public story from making your contribution disappear.

If you enjoy choosing but dislike owning every task, you could divide this one concretely: you choose, he orders and collects, he gets the card. Only offer that arrangement if he'd actually take those parts on. Sending him reminders for each task would leave you managing the gift anyway.

Join the discussion

More in Relationships