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AITA for refusing my uncle's hug in front of the family?

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I stepped back and held out my hand. My uncle opened his arms wider and said, "Come on, don't be so formal."

I said, "No hug, thanks." When he reached toward my shoulder anyway, I said more loudly, "I already said no."

We were arriving at a family lunch. I hadn't seen him for months, and he normally hugs everyone. Nothing bad had happened between us. I simply didn't feel like being hugged that day and thought a handshake was a friendly alternative.

The entrance went quiet. He dropped his arms and walked into the dining room. My mother said I could have tolerated a brief hug instead of making him look unwelcome. I told her the handshake had been meant to welcome him.

Later my uncle said he'd thought I was joking at first, because I usually hug him. He apologized for reaching again, but said the louder response embarrassed him. I said I didn't know how else to make the answer clear in that moment.

I sat beside him during lunch and talked normally. Mum still thinks I used a small preference to make a point about the whole family. I wanted one interaction to go differently, not to stage a demonstration. AITA for saying it loudly?

Discussion

2 community replies

The handshake and 'no hug, thanks' were both clear alternatives to rejecting him altogether. The louder answer came after he continued reaching. That sequence matters when your mother describes it as you suddenly embarrassing someone who was simply greeting you.

He may genuinely have read the first gesture as a joke because your usual greeting was different. His apology for reaching again acknowledges where that reading went wrong. You can accept it without agreeing to hug whenever consistency would make things less awkward.

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