We are affectionate and happy, but we have not had sex in eight months and my partner will not talk about it

My partner and I still kiss when one of us gets home. We hold hands in the grocery store. Most nights we fall asleep touching in some small way. If somebody watched our ordinary life, I do not think they would describe us as distant.

We also have not had sex in eight months.

There was no single event. Last winter we were both exhausted. Then her work became intense. A few attempts felt awkward because so much expectation had gathered around them, so we stopped initiating. Weeks became months.

At first I told myself not to make it a problem. Affection matters more than a number, and neither of us owes the other sex. I still believe both things. I also miss that part of our relationship, and pretending otherwise has started to make every kiss feel carefully limited.

I have tried to talk about it three times. The first time, she said she was tired and asked whether we could speak on the weekend. The weekend passed. The second time, she cried and said she already felt broken, which made me rush to reassure her that nothing was wrong. The third time, she said discussing sex every few weeks made it impossible for desire to return naturally.

So I stopped asking.

Now I am living inside a strange agreement that we never made. We are exclusive, loving and physically affectionate, but one form of intimacy has disappeared and the subject itself is protected from conversation.

She says pressure is the problem. I can see how my concern creates pressure even when I choose careful words. But silence also creates pressure. Every cuddle contains a decision not to move further. Every romantic weekend has a question neither of us names.

I do not want a deadline or a quota. I do want a conversation where we can say what we each want, what feels difficult and whether we are trying to change anything. If she is content with our relationship as it is, I need to know that. If she is unhappy too, I need us to face it together rather than wait for spontaneity to rescue us.

She asked me last night whether I would leave an otherwise good relationship over sex. I said I did not know. The honest answer is that I am less afraid of a low-sex relationship than a relationship where one person gets to declare a subject too pressuring to discuss.

How do you talk about missing sex without turning desire into a demand? And at what point does refusing the conversation become the larger relationship problem?