Packing tape attached the shipping box to me before it attached the box to itself

I needed to return one pair of shoes. The box was small, the label was printed and I owned a fresh roll of packing tape. This should have been a three-minute task.

I pulled out a strip of tape with one hand while holding the box closed with the other. The tape folded in the middle and stuck to itself.

I cut it off and tried again.

The second strip attached to my sleeve.

I peeled it away, which caused the loose end to swing onto the table. It collected one receipt, two crumbs and a hair that did not appear to belong to anyone currently living in the apartment.

I discarded that strip too.

By the fourth attempt, I had developed a method: anchor one end to the box, pull the roll across the seam and cut at the far edge. The method failed because the box lid rose while I was pulling. The tape followed the lid, wrapped around my thumb and secured my hand to the parcel.

The scissors were six inches away.

I could see them. I could not reach them without moving the box, which was now participating in my arm.

I shuffled the entire arrangement across the table and knocked the tape roll onto the floor. It rolled under a chair while unspooling, leaving a clear sticky path behind it like evidence from a very low-budget crime scene.

I freed my thumb, recovered the roll and finally taped the center seam. Then I noticed I had placed the return label inside the box.

Opening it again required cutting the only strip I had applied correctly.

The finished parcel now has enough overlapping tape to suggest it contains either shoes or a minor national secret. It is secure, but not because I demonstrated control.

Is there a sane one-person method for taping a box without needing a third hand? Do you pre-cut strips, use a dispenser or accept that the first two pieces are ceremonial losses demanded by the roll?