My relatives want an ancestry test to solve a family rumor I do not want solved

There has always been a rumor that my grandfather had another child before he married my grandmother. Nobody knows whether it is true. The story appears at reunions, gets corrected by one aunt, revived by another and then put away for a year.

After my grandfather died, a woman contacted my uncle through a genealogy website. She said her late mother had named my grandfather as her father. She did not ask for money or make threats. She wanted to know whether someone in our family would compare ancestry results so she could understand where she came from.

My uncle is convinced we should do it. Two cousins have already ordered tests and are treating the process like a mystery series. They want me to participate because, according to them, my result would make the comparison clearer. I have not tried to understand the technical part because my answer is no regardless.

I do not want my information in a family investigation. More than that, I do not want to become the person whose result confirms or denies a stranger’s account of her mother. That feels like a permanent role in a story I did not choose.

My relatives say I am being selfish because the woman may have spent her life without answers. I have sympathy for her. I also think the people who want to help can use their own information. They keep saying my participation is ‘just one more data point,’ which is a strange way to describe something they also claim is morally important.

My mother is torn. She wants the rumor resolved before it reshapes how everyone remembers her father. I told her that any answer may reshape that memory. She said uncertainty is already doing damage.

The family group chat is now full of updates about shipping dates and match estimates. My uncle asked me again in front of everyone, and when I declined he wrote, ‘Some people would rather protect a secret than help a relative.’ We do not even know whether she is a relative.

I am not asking the family to stop their search. I am asking them to stop treating my body as a missing document in it. How do I state that boundary without arguing the underlying rumor? And do I owe the woman a direct response, or would contacting her pull me further into a process I have chosen not to join?