My partner insists every shared purchase be split exactly in half, even when only one of us wanted it

My partner and I keep separate finances and split rent, utilities and groceries equally. We earn similar salaries, and the system has mostly prevented money arguments.

The trouble begins with everything that is “for the apartment.”

He wanted a larger television. I was happy with the old one, but he said we would both use the replacement, so we split $1,400 in half. He wanted a premium coffee machine. I drink tea, but it sits in our kitchen, so that was another shared purchase.

Last month, I wanted a reading chair for the bedroom. He said he would probably never use it and that I should buy it myself.

I laughed because I thought he was joking. He was not.

His rule is that an item is shared if both people benefit from it. He says I benefit from the television when we watch movies and from the coffee machine when guests use it. The chair is mainly for me.

My rule would be that an item is shared if both people agree they want it at the proposed price. By that standard, I should not have paid half for either upgrade.

He says I did agree. That is technically true. When he researched the television for weeks and talked about how much better movie nights would be, saying no felt like blocking something he cared about even though I did not value the difference. I transferred the money without clearly stating that I resented it.

Now he thinks I am rewriting old decisions because I want him to subsidize my chair.

The chair costs much less than my half of the television. I know fairness is not achieved by keeping a secret balance until the totals match. I also do not want a household where the more enthusiastic shopper can transform a personal upgrade into a joint need by placing it in a common room.

We tried listing future purchases as essential, shared upgrade or personal preference. We immediately disagreed about categories. He called a new vacuum essential; I thought the current one worked. I called better curtains a shared upgrade; he did not care whether the room stayed bright at sunrise.

The deeper issue is that equal payments feel objective to him. To me, exact halves can hide unequal influence over what gets bought.

How should couples with separate finances handle household items that both people may use but only one person values? Does agreement under relationship pressure count as shared enthusiasm, or do we need a way to price the difference between “I want this” and “I will not stop you”?