My parents say a spare key is basic family trust, but I do not want them entering my home

When I bought my first house, my parents gave me a key safe as a gift. My father installed it beside the garage and asked what code I wanted to use. I thought it was for emergencies. Then Mum asked which key would be theirs.

I said I was not planning to give out permanent keys. They looked surprised. My parents have keys to my brother’s house, my aunt’s condo and each other’s homes. In our family, access is treated as evidence of closeness. Mum waters plants, collects packages and lets in contractors. Dad checks things after storms. They are helpful and generally reliable.

They are also casual about entering. My brother has come home to find Mum putting groceries away. My aunt once discovered Dad measuring a window she had mentioned replacing. Everyone complains, but nobody takes the keys back because that would create a larger conflict than the surprise visit.

I work from home and value knowing who is in my space. I do not want to wonder whether a comment about a dripping faucet will result in Dad appearing with tools. I am happy to arrange help when I travel. I could give a temporary code or leave a key with a neighbor. I simply do not want family access to be open-ended.

Mum says this means I trust strangers more than my parents. Dad says an emergency will not wait while I decide who is allowed inside. When I asked what emergency he imagined, he listed burst pipes, smoke alarms and me being unreachable. Each example became an argument for why refusing the key was irresponsible rather than a reason to plan a specific backup.

Last week I learned Dad had already copied the key used by the contractor during repairs. He said he assumed it would become the family key. He handed it to me when I objected, but he was offended that I asked whether he had made another copy.

Now the key safe is empty. Every time my parents visit, somebody jokes about the fortress. I can tolerate jokes. I do not want repeated pressure to wear me down until giving them access becomes the price of ending the conversation.

What emergency plan respects both practical needs and my control of the house? And how do I respond to the claim that a boundary around entry is a statement about love?