My girlfriend keeps accepting invitations for both of us, then says I embarrass her when I say no

My girlfriend is the kind of person who receives an invitation and answers before the other person has finished the sentence. I am the kind who checks the calendar, the drive time and whether the previous weekend already contains people.

When we were first dating, her decisiveness felt generous. She brought me into birthdays, backyard dinners and last-minute lake days. I had spent years being the person who heard about gatherings afterward, so being automatically included felt wonderful.

Now ‘we’d love to’ has become a sentence I hear from across the room.

Last Friday, we were at her coworker’s house when someone invited us to a Sunday brunch forty-five minutes away. My girlfriend said yes. I reminded her that I had planned to finish painting my office and call my dad. She laughed and said, ‘He means yes after he does his little calendar audit.’

Everyone laughed. I did too, because objecting in the kitchen would have made the moment worse.

On Sunday morning, I told her I was not going. She became angry and said canceling made both of us look unreliable. I said I had never accepted. She said couples make social decisions for each other all the time and that she should not have to pull me aside for a conference every time someone mentions brunch.

This has happened with concerts, a baby shower and a weekend at her cousin’s cabin. Sometimes I go and enjoy myself. Sometimes I spend the event resentful because the decision was made before I was consulted. When I decline, she either goes alone and tells people I ‘wasn’t up for it’ or stays home and acts as if I ruined a plan.

I suggested a simple rule: she can say, ‘That sounds fun, let me check with him,’ unless we have already discussed the event. She says that wording makes us sound like we need permission from each other. To her, an enthusiastic yes is part of being warm. Details can be adjusted later.

To me, the warmth is being purchased with my time.

There is also an uncomfortable truth on my side. I do use logistics to delay decisions. If nobody commits, I can protect every weekend until the interesting option disappears. She has created a social life we both benefit from because she is willing to say yes. I do not want to turn us into the couple who never attends anything because one person needs four business days to consider lunch.

But I also do not want a relationship where my choices become private corrections to promises she makes publicly.

How do couples handle invitations without making one person the social director and the other person a reluctant passenger? Is ‘check with my partner’ normal respect, or am I asking her to replace spontaneity with a permission system?