My friend has turned every catch-up into a fitness test

For years, my friend Dana and I met for coffee, wandered through bookstores and talked until one of us noticed the parking meter. Then she got into hiking. I was genuinely happy for her. I did not realize hiking would become the admission price for seeing her.

Our last three plans have been a steep trail, a long bike ride and what she described as an easy loop that required me to buy a parking pass and be awake before sunrise. Dana moves quickly and talks while climbing. I spend the first half concentrating on my footing and the second half pretending I can hear her over my breathing.

When I suggest lunch, she says we can earn it with a walk first. If I propose a movie, she finds a trail near the theater. The activities are not unreasonable, and I am not opposed to movement. I simply miss conversations that do not require shoes with traction.

The awkward part is that fitness has become important to her identity. She is proud of being the person who gets friends outside. If I say I want an easier plan, she hears that I am giving up on myself. Last month she told me, kindly, that I would improve if I stopped avoiding hills. I was trying to choose a setting where I could finish a sentence.

I have started declining rather than explaining. That protects the Saturday morning but costs the friendship. We now exchange supportive texts about plans I do not attend. I do not want to make her responsible for my preferences, yet friendship should have room for more than one person's preferred pace.

I am thinking of being blunt: I like spending time with you; I do not enjoy every catch-up being a workout. I will join an easy walk sometimes, but I also want plans where the point is talking. Is that clear without making her new interest sound like a problem? How do you renegotiate a friendship ritual when the ritual has swallowed the friendship?