My friend coaches me from the sideline during games, and I am starting to dread hearing my name

A friend from work came to one of my women’s league basketball games this winter. She played in college, knows far more about the sport than I do, and was genuinely excited to support me. Afterward she pointed out two things I could improve. Both were correct. I invited her back.

That may have been the moment I accidentally hired an unpaid coach I cannot fire.

She now attends most home games and talks to me from the bleachers throughout them. “Left side.” “Box out.” “You had the cutter.” Sometimes she uses my full name, the way a parent does when a child is about to step into traffic. I can hear her even when our actual coach is speaking. Once, during a timeout, she leaned over the railing and started explaining how the other team was defending a screen. Our coach waited, then said, “I’ve got it.”

I apologized to the coach afterward. She said it was fine but asked me to make sure outside voices did not interfere with team instructions. I told my friend that I needed her to cheer, not coach. She laughed and said, “I only say something when it’s obvious.” At the next game she was quieter for one quarter, then shouted that I was standing in the wrong corner.

The worst part is that some of her advice helps. I watched a recording and saw exactly what she meant about my spacing. That makes me feel unreasonable for objecting. If someone is right, does it matter that I did not ask to be corrected while I am trying to make a decision in real time?

It matters to my teammates. One of them asked whether my friend was going to start drawing plays next. Another said the comments make it sound as if every mistake is mine, even when the team’s plan caused the spacing. I defended my friend, then realized I had spent more energy managing her impact than she had spent considering it.

Last Friday I missed two free throws late. Before I reached the bench, I heard, “You rushed both.” I already knew. On the drive home, I could replay her voice more clearly than anything our coach had said. I did not tell her when the next game was.

She found the schedule online and texted that she might come. I have drafted three replies. One is gentle: “Come, but please keep advice for after.” We already tried that. One is blunt: “If you coach from the stands again, I won’t invite you.” The third is a lie about limited seating.

I value her knowledge and her support. I do not value being publicly analyzed every time I touch the ball. How direct would you be with a friend who believes useful advice is automatically welcome? And is it fair to ask her not to attend if she cannot watch without instructing me?