My aunt invited twelve shower guests who are not invited to the wedding

My aunt invited twelve people to my bridal shower who are not invited to the wedding.

I found out when one of them sent me a message asking where we were registered.

At first, I assumed she had misunderstood which event she was attending. Then my aunt forwarded the shower invitation list. There were coworkers, two neighbors and several women from a volunteer group she belongs to.

I know four of them by name. I am close to none of them.

My aunt is hosting the shower with my mother. She booked a private room, chose the food and refused when I offered to contribute. I knew she planned to include a few of her friends. I did not realize “a few” meant a second guest list.

When I called, she sounded surprised that I was upset. She said the shower is her gift to me and that these women have watched me grow up through photographs and stories. Several asked whether there would be a celebration they could attend.

There is now.

The problem is not only that they are absent from the wedding list. It is that a shower centers on gifts. We are inviting people to bring something for a marriage they will not be invited to celebrate.

My aunt says adults understand that weddings have capacity limits. She also says some of these women would be relieved not to buy formal clothes or travel to the reception.

That may be true. It feels convenient to decide their feelings after inviting them to a gift-giving event.

My mother wants me to let it go. The invitations are already mailed, the room can hold everyone and canceling individual guests would embarrass my aunt.

My fiancé thinks the entire shower should be canceled if the list cannot be corrected. He says a party thrown in my honor should not require me to participate in etiquette I find uncomfortable.

Canceling would embarrass more than my aunt. Guests have responded. Food has been ordered. My cousins are planning games that probably involve identifying photographs of me with bad hair.

I also do not dislike the women. If they attend, I can welcome them sincerely. My discomfort is with the transaction the invitation appears to create.

I considered sending a note saying gifts are not expected. My aunt says that would draw attention to a problem nobody else sees and make the shower sound apologetic.

I asked whether she intended to invite these guests to the wedding. She said no and reminded me that I had refused several of her wedding-list suggestions months ago.

That made the shower invitations feel less accidental. She created a celebration for the people she could not place at the wedding.

I understand the emotional logic. She wants her community included in a family milestone. I just do not want my registry to be the price of their inclusion.

Would you contact the extra guests, add a clear no-gifts message or attend without turning the list into a public dispute? Does the host control a shower guest list when the guest of honor is the reason everyone is being asked to bring a present?