Choosing our marriage witness has turned into a ranking of my siblings

We need two witnesses for our marriage paperwork.

My fiancé chose his sister in about six seconds.

I have been unable to choose between my brother and my sister for three weeks.

The witnesses will sign after the ceremony in a small room with us and the officiant. It is not a public role. Most guests may never know who did it.

My family will know.

My older sister, Kate, assumes I will ask her. She helped with wedding planning, attended every appointment I invited her to and has always treated our relationship as the central sibling bond.

My younger brother, Liam, has done almost nothing for the wedding. He lives farther away, hates group chats and responded to our engagement with a voice message that began, “That’s huge, wow,” followed by forty seconds of silence.

He is also the person I called during the worst night of my life.

Years ago, when I was struggling and did not know how to tell anyone, Liam sat in his car outside my apartment until I was ready to come downstairs. He did not fix anything. He stayed.

Asking him to witness the marriage feels connected to that memory in a way I cannot explain without sharing more than I want to share.

Kate would be deeply hurt.

She would not make a scene, but she would understand the choice as a ranking. From her perspective, she has shown up consistently while Liam receives the symbolic role because of one private event she did not know occurred.

That interpretation would be unfair and also logical.

I considered asking both siblings and having my fiancé choose a friend instead of his sister. He does not want to do that. His sister’s role matters to him, and solving my dilemma by removing his clear choice feels wrong.

We could ask Kate to give a reading and Liam to sign. Kate already has another role helping my mother. I worry adding a reading as compensation will make the hierarchy more obvious.

My fiancé says the witness choice does not need to represent the whole sibling relationship. It can simply be the person whose presence I want in that quiet room.

That is Liam.

The fact that I know the answer has not made saying it easier.

My mother thinks I should choose Kate because weddings reward visible support, not secret history. I dislike the word reward. A role should not be payment for planning labor.

I also recognize that symbolic choices communicate whether we intend them to or not.

I could tell Kate before the wedding and explain that Liam supported me through a private period, without giving details. She may still hear that I trusted him with something I did not trust her with.

That is true too.

Would you choose the person connected to the private meaning and accept the hurt, or choose the sibling whose consistent involvement makes the role easier to understand? How honest do I owe my sister when the reason belongs partly to a story I am not ready to share?