An online friend vanished from our server and I do not know how far to follow up

For almost two years, a player named Sam has been part of our small gaming server. I know his first name, his time zone, the kind of work he does, and the fact that his dog interrupts serious matches. I do not know his last name, address, or phone number. Until this month, that level of knowing someone felt completely normal.

Sam played with us three or four nights a week. Then he stopped. His account has been offline for eighteen days. His last message was ordinary: he said he was making dinner and might return later. No argument happened. He had not mentioned travel or wanting a break.

At first, we sent jokes about his missing aim. After a week, one person sent a direct message asking whether he was okay. No response. I sent another a few days later saying there was no pressure to play and that I only wanted to know he had seen it. Still nothing.

Now the group is divided. One friend says adults disappear from online spaces and we should respect the silence. Another wants to search his username on other platforms. Someone remembered the city where Sam once said he lived and suggested checking public posts for accidents. That made me uncomfortable, then I felt guilty for being more worried about privacy than about him.

The uncertainty exposes how real and unreal an online friendship can be at the same time. I have spent hundreds of hours with this person. I know the exact noise he makes before blaming lag. If he returned tomorrow, I would be genuinely relieved. Yet any attempt to reach beyond the contact information he chose to share feels like crossing a boundary he never agreed to move.

There is no specific evidence of danger. He had sounded tired during a few recent sessions, but many of us do after work. I do not want ordinary absence to become a detective story. I also do not want our entire response to someone meaningful disappearing to be two messages and a shrug.

What is an appropriate follow-up ladder here? One final message from one person, an email if he previously shared it, then stop? Is searching a public username reasonable, or does concern not create permission? I want a standard that takes the friendship seriously without treating limited access as a puzzle to defeat.