How do I back my daughter's no-hug choice without brushing off her grandmother?
Parenting"You used to run straight to me," my mother said, holding out her arms. My six-year-old tucked herself behind my elbow. A minute later she was happily showing Grandma a drawing of a purple bus. She wanted to talk; she didn't want the hug.
I said she could wave hello instead. Mum went quiet, and my brother told me I was teaching my daughter to be ungrateful. Mum collects her from school twice a week, brings the snack she likes and has rearranged her afternoons to help us. I hadn't thanked her properly for that in a while.
On the way home, my daughter asked whether Grandma would still pick her up. Mum hadn't threatened to stop. My daughter had heard the silence and filled in the rest. I said the pickup arrangements were for the grown-ups to sort out.
[NSPCC guidance](https://www.nspcc.org.uk/advice-for-families/pants-underwear-rule/pants-how-to-answer-questions/) says children shouldn't be forced to hug relatives and suggests finding another greeting that suits the child. I want to hold that line, but I also want Mum to feel appreciated. What would you say to her before the next pickup, so my daughter isn't left trying to repair an adult's hurt feelings?