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Does encouraging my partner to apply for a job mean I've agreed to move?

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My partner got the job he'd hoped for in another city. I hugged him, and he said, "We should start looking at places this weekend." I replied that I hadn't decided whether I'd move. His excitement disappeared.

When he applied, I had told him to go for it. The role sounded like something he'd enjoy. We had said we would talk about the rest if he received an offer. I thought that included whether I would relocate; he thought it meant discussing how we would do it.

I have a job, friends and a weekly class here that I don't want to leave without thinking. I am not opposed to moving. I am upset that my encouragement has turned into a commitment I didn't know I was making. He says he wouldn't have applied if he thought I might stay.

How do we return to a genuine decision without making my hesitation sound like withdrawing support for something I encouraged him to pursue?

Discussion

1 community replies

Encouraging the application and agreeing to relocate were separate decisions in your understanding. Say that clearly, while acknowledging that he heard something different. You can be happy about the offer and still need a conversation about what you would be choosing for your own life.

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